New Year – Old Resolutions
(As printed in The Houghton Lake Resorter weekly newspaper
Houghton Lake Michigan)
Below is my “byline” chosen by the editor of the newspaper.
I was 29 in 1964..
“The time has come”, the walrus said, “to speak of many things, of sailing ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings” (and my New Year resolutions.)
To sum it up, each of us in the farthest reaches of our mind, is guilty of harboring “I know better” feelings which emerge annually on January 1st. These feelings are forgotten on January 2nd or thereabout.
For instance, “I know better” than to let the ironing pile up week after week, while stashing the clothes I like to do least in a separate basket. When that basket overwhelms my utility room the guilt sets in.
Therefore, I resolve to keep my ironing up to date.
I know better than to chide my friends in far off places for not being regular in their correspondence with me. To be honest, I am equally as irregular with mine.
Therefore, I resolve to keep all my correspondence up to date.
I know better than to drive and drive and drive our car without putting gas in it. My husband has repeatedly explained to me, in his most gentle manner, that he doesn’t care to run out of gas on his way to work in the morning.
Therefore, I resolve to keep gas in the car at all times.
I know better than to let my bank statements pile up in a drawer until my checkbook balance requires service charge subtractions each time I overdraw my account.
Therefore, I resolve to balance my bank statements promptly upon their arrival.
When you have written down your “therefore” list, you may feel properly girded for the onslaught of uncharted days and months approaching in the new year 1965.
Let me give you a word of warning.
Mention to no one that this list exists. Immediately upon its completion, place it in an envelope, seal it, and promptly convert it to ashes and smoke.
Your ironing will continue to pile up, your corresponding friends will think of you warmly at Christmas time, you husband will get good exercise, the bank will feel that you accept and respect their bookkeeping procedures and your conscience will be free to glide into 1965 in friendly and familiar surroundings.
2019 and continuing…
It’s been quite awhile since I’ve made a New Year’s resolution.
Please don’t think ill of me. I learned years ago that such an endeavor was a complete waste of my time.
Thank heaven for permanent press clothing that needs no ironing.
I remember the days when Grandma took my clothes needing ironing and sprinkled them with water, rolled them up,putting them in the freezer for me to iron later.
I also learned something that may be of use to you.
If sprinkled clothes are stored in the freezer for two weeks or more, they will be surprisingly damp when you thaw them. If the time is more than a week or two your clothes may have to be sprinkled again. (Grandma never approved of the long wait.)
Thank heaven for the invention of the computer and emails.
I am now able to respond within minutes to correspondence from my friends. Why didn’t someone think of this before?
I try to fill up the gas tank as soon as I see that there is a little space after “full”.
The price of gas has reached an unthinkable $1.88. When you fill the tank as soon as you’ve used a gallon or two, it doesn’t cost as much.
Although I require the bank to send printed statements to me, I also have my bank records on the computer.
I let my printed bank statements recline unopened in a drawer. There is always the possibility of being without electricity. This would restrain me from checking my account on the computer. At this point is when the unopened bank statements come in handy.
I do not recommend New Year’s resolutions.
If you feel the need to put resolutions in writing this is my advice. Use a sealed and unmarked envelope. Destroy it as quickly as possible after New Year’s day.
Fire is the most reliable solution.
The envelope may also be thrown in the garbage but there is always the possibility someone could find it at the dump.
Listen to your conscience.
Happy New Year